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Humor about Time and Clocks

We get so busy with our work and personal lives that we get too serious. Sometimes we just need to get a little bit of humor to improve our mood. So is a time clock system so I thought why not put together a list of simple one-liner jokes about Time and Clocks to post on our Blog. They may be a little corny but if it puts a smile on your face or at least gets a snicker from you it may brighten up your day. If you are in a need of a time clock solution you may want to check out when you have the time.

So here they are.

Time and Clock Humor at


What do you call a tense clock?                               

All wound up


What did the robber say to the clock?                  

Hands up!


Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?                  

They just finished a March of 31 days


Why did the tardy man stop to purchase a clock?            

He wanted to buy time.


Where did the clock finish the race?                     

Wherever it wound up


Why did the girl sit on her watch?                          

She wanted to be on time.


Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?               

Because time will tell


Why did the man throw the clock out the window?       

He wanted to see time fly.


What animal keeps the best time?                        

A watchdog!


How many months have 28 days?           

All of them


Why did the pendulum stop moving?                   

It lost its swing.


What happens if you annoy a clock?                      

It gets ticked off


Why did the woman put a clock under her desk?                            

She wanted to work over time.


What do you call a grandfather clock?                  

An Old Timer


If your watch is broken, why can’t you go fishing?          

Because you don’t have the time


What does a wall clock do after it stops ticking?                              

It hangs around.


Why did the historian measure a clock?                              

To know the beginning and end of time


Why did the man buy so many clocks?                 

Because time is money


What do you call a story that one clock tells to another? 

 Second-hand information


Why did the clock get sent to the principal’s office?      

It was tocking too much


What do you call a clock on the moon?                

A lunartick


What did the second hand say to the hour hand?            

See you again in a minute


What did the unwound clock say to its owner?                

It’s about time.


What kinds of bugs live in a clock?         



What time does a duck wake up?           

At the quack of dawn


What did the street clock say to the tower clock?           

High there!


What do you get when you cross a clock and a chicken?               

A cluck


How can you tell if a clock is hungry?    

It goes back four seconds



I did not create any of these one-liners. I have heard these jokes over the years from family, friends, kids, and comedians. I do not know the origins or who actually came up with these, but Kudos to the individuals that have the ability to think these up.

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